Dear John, day 3

Wednesday, March 18, 2009 by Jay T.

John

Your experience with vanities sounds like mine with my addictions.  When my own discrimination and decision making is part of the moral calculus of what I should engage in, I’m lost to the addiction.  I can even be recognizing, beyond my thinking brain, that I’m just justifying my actions.  I keep on justifying them.  In response, I’ve taken to rule making, at least for now.

The current addiction I’m shedding–or at least coming to terms with (Yes, that’s probably a justification.)–is to news.  After I read the paper my prayers are distracted by worry and the world’s judgments.  Since I pray first thing in the morning, I can easily keep to a rule of no news before that.  Our current delivery is about 6:20 am.  That gives me the paper for breakfast, after prayer time.

On Sundays, the rule I use is not before worship.  When worship was at 11:00 am, that was harder than currently.  Now I just have to hold out until my 9:00 departure for the 9:45 meeting.

I’ve found that if I even touch the newspaper, I start to temporize and experiment.  “Would reading the funnies count?”  “What about the sports section?”  “Here’s a human interest story; I’ll limit myself to just it.”

I usually end up reading more.

If I really want to find a life of continuous prayer, what will I have to do?

I see rule making as a means to clear my heart to remain open so that I can listen and follow guidance from God.  The guidance of Christ that sustains or provides judgment is the true remedy for this addiction–and others.  I make rules just to provide a guidance from outside the immediate moment that will head off the temporizing of my addiction laden personal discriminations.

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